“Failure is only a success that has run out of time.” Ride or Die.
I find so often that people equate success with vast riches that come along consistently and immediately. People so often want to make a “fast buck” so they dive into things without thinking them through and then wonder why they got scammed? Or, they will “start a business” and, once they have decided what to call the business, they don’t follow through on things to do to build that business. These are what I like to call the “fundamental illusions around success.”
What I do find sad, however, is when people actually are trying and working hard at building something and, because this is something that is in no way a quick or immediate venture, think that they are failing miserably. I want these people to know that they are not, in any way, a failure. Building a business takes time…a LOT of time. They say that it takes a good five years to really get a new business off the ground. When the economy is suffering it can and does take even longer. This does not mean that you are a failure. It means that you have to be patient with yourself and others while still building. And it often means that you have to keep working at another job in order to put a roof over your head while building the new business. You don’t have to wrap your identity up in the job. Allow the identity of the business owner to be part of your personal makeup. But also allow yourself to do what you must to stay afloat while building the business. There are many an actor in Hollywood who started out as waiting staff. Keep your dreams alive.
People also often tend to compare themselves to others whom they see as successful. I encourage you to NOT do that. You can definitely be inspired by them. But don’t compare yourself to them. That is a sure fire way to feel like a total failure. Instead, ask them detailed questions as to how they built their success. There could be numerous gems of information that would otherwise have gone unnoticed. Learn from them. And then apply that knowledge to your own business, keeping it authentic to who you are as a person. Don’t become a cookie-cutter version of anyone else.
This reminds me of a card in the Osho Zen Tarot. The card is called “Comparison.” It has a beautiful picture of an oak and a bamboo. The teaching of this card is that in nature the oak does not ever think it should be like the bamboo, or vise versa. Each is beautiful on its own and in its own way. Thus, we should never compare ourselves to others. I know people who completely identify as “a professional” and look down on anyone who is not of that category. Really, what they are saying is that they are judgemental douchebags. They are the type of species who look down on the service staff instead of treating them with respect. I have no use for people like that.
There was a time when one of those folks tried telling me about how inspired she was by a documentary on extreme sports, especially the extreme athletes who did cliff diving. She very solemnly told me that they reported that cliff diving was a form of meditation to them. But that they were well aware that at any given moment it could end up being their last cliff dive. After listening to her go on and on for about 10 minutes about this, I decided to speak my mind. I very solemnly told her that she is speaking to a Shaman and that, as a trained Shaman, I know a thing or two about meditation. I told her that meditation is about going within and finding the inner stillness/silence from which the connection to all things is possible. I also told her that if she believed the bullshit that cliff diving was comparable, when, in actuality, what was being described was an adrenaline junkie with an extremely low sense of self-preservation, then she was alot more ignorant than I ever thought she was. Needless to say, we never spoke again, and I was fine with that.
People often admire the strangest of things. When it serves to feed some unfulfilled part of themselves they get hooked in immediately. Success is like that in a way. We really have to look at how people became successful and whether or not they did it ethically. I believe that going about it in an unethical manner only serves to chip away at one’s soul. Before long you will find yourself lacking all sense of scruples. Sure, by some standards that makes you a successful businessperson. But at what cost? After all, one can be a success in business and a total failure at life.
This is why I always say that it is important to take any knowledge that someone shares with you and see if it fits who you are as a person. If it doesn’t feel congruent, then find a different way to accomplish what your goal is. Because becoming a cookie-cutter version of someone else will, indeed, make you a failure.
Also, it becomes important to redefine what your version of “success” actually is. Although I make good coin, I don’t feel that this is what defines my success. My success lies in helping others to become the best possible versions of themselves. But that is only success at work. Most of the success that I feel I have accomplished has to do with success at home. I have a partner whom I love beyond measure. I have children, both mine and his, whom I love and who love both of us. We have a grandchild now who is abolutely awesome. We have three (yes, you read that right…THREE) dogs who are an integral part of our home and family. We have friends who are near and dear to us that we love to the moon and back. My life is not just successful, it is FULFILLED.
When we look at the other forms of success that we experience, there is no possible way that we can consider ourselves a failure. So, take note of all the successes you have accomplished that have nothing to do with monetary gain. You will likely find that with those successes you have put your heart and soul into the relationship or project. That is what is required on a professional level as well. But keeping the balance between work and home is also important. So, when you are at work, you are at work. When you are at home, you are at home. Do not allow those to things to become blurred with each other, even if you are working from home. Have a completely separate work space that is not interrupted. And when you are done working, close the door on that and be completely present with your family and friends. Your mental and emotional health will thank you for that.