Over the many years of my existence on this earth, there have been many a time when I have struggled with anger and even rage. Circumstances beyond my control would harm either myself or others and my need for justice would prevail. Now, I am not completely unaware of the fact that our society often views anger and rage as something negative and destructive. It definitely can be. But I am also aware that being a passivist often gets nobody anywhere constructive and, in fact, can enable abusive behavior.
But our culture, mixed with a New Age type of phylosophy wherein one is expected to keep a positive outlook, disables many from expressing their anger and rage, which only serves to build that anger and rage within the person. We cannot deny the existence of our shadow self without fueling that shadow self into something monterous. We cannot disguise it behind a Born Again smile without it expressing itself in abusive and oppressive ways outwardly.
So, what do we do with it? How can we manage it without creating scorched earth all around us? There are a few techniques that I do find helpful. Understand that EVERY HUMAN BEING experiences anger and rage. Those who deny it are the ones who become dangerous. So, it helps to have some tools to help one cope.
- If you can talk it through with another person, be they involved with what has made you angry or not, it can help to difuse the situation within your being. This is different than just wanting to rant and have people be “on your side.” It looks more like, “This happened, I feel enraged, and I need constructive ideas regarding what to do about it.” It is always better to speak with the person who caused the rage, but that is not always possible for any number of reasons. So, in the meantime, talk to a friend, a confident, a therapist and so on to get a handle on your emotions and your responses.
- Growl. I know, this sounds quite primal. But it works. You should not growl at a person, getting right in their face to intimidate them. But walking away and growling to yourself helps to release the pent up rage energy.
- Wringing a towel. When you do this you are expelling negative energy from your physical body. Make sure that as you wring the towel your elbows stay apart from each other. If they cross in front of you then you are blocking the flow of the energy release.
- Take a shower. Allow the water flowing over your body to wash away the anger and rage. Stay there until you feel calm again. It does not matter what the water bill turns out to be. Just stay there.
- Gather some sticks, or even some pencils, and hold one in your hands. Think about the situation about which you are angry. Take a deep breath in through your mouth and exhale through your nose. This is Fire Breath in the elemental breathwork system. As you exhale snap the stick/pencil in two. Set it aside, pick up another stick. Repeat the exercise. There is something satisfying about hearing the stick or pencil break and it triggers an energetic release of the anger and rage. You can throw the sticks or pencils away when you are done, or burn them. When the exercise is done, do some grounding work to help you to re-center yourself and anchor yourself into this time and place.
- Asking Spirit (or God, or whomever you talk to in meditation or prayer) to help you to diffuse your anger and rage and morph it into something constructive that will help to resolve the situation.
- Drink water. Pour yourself a glass of water, place your hands around the glass and focus on the words Peace, Calm, and Serenity. This will program the molecules in the water with those atributes. Then, with purpose, slowly drink the water, bringing those atributes into you water body. Then sit in silence and breathe for a few minutes, allowing the feelings of Peace, Calm and Serenity to wash over you.
- Sing. It is pretty much impossible to remain in a bad mood while you are singing. It doesn’t matter if it is a favorite song or something as simple as the Happy Birthday song. Just sing. As you do, your emotions will lift. Smile as you sing and your endorphines will surge through you, giving you a “feel good” vibe.
- Make yourself a cup of tea. Or coffee. It doesn’t matter, but tea works very well for this. Once made, add just a drop of honey. Stir it and say, “As I make this healing tea, anger finds a balance within me.” Then slowly sip the tea. Be sure to drink the entire cup. Refill and repeat if you feel like it.
- Light a candle for yourself and/or your home. Focus on the flame and say, “As this candle burns with flame peace and harmony know my name.” Allow the candle to burn for a few minutes, but if you need to leave for any reason it is completely alright to snuff it out as you make a wish for a resolve to whatever the situation is. This is like blowing out birthday candles when you make a wish.
It is importan always to know that anger has a purpose. That purpose is to help motivate us to find justice and resolve. It is like a fire has been lit under our butt and now we will end whatever the toxic or unjust situation may be. We are inspired by that flame. Considering that fire is the element associated with Spirit, and that inspiration is about being filled with Spiritual purpose, is it any wonder that the candle or the flame of peace can work well for us?
Anger is one of the most fierce emotional energies that we can carry. But it is also one that can completely burn us out if we do not get a grip on it and use some tools to calm it down. We are all responsible for our own emotional responses. So, before it becomes destructive, find ways of making it constructive instead.