- Definition: It is the centuries-old art of mending broken ceramics, porcelain, or pottery using a natural lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.
- Philosophy: Rooted in wabi-sabi, the practice embraces flaws, wear, and the passage of time rather than hiding damage. The golden seams honor the object’s history and make it uniquely valuable.
Our world is full of flaws, as are each and every one of us. Life will present us with opportunities for success, but will present us with opportunities for destruction in eaqual measure. Our choices and strategies will often determine which side of the coin we will enjoy. But often things will happen that are beyond our influence and that will leave us feeling completely broken.
Often when we are left feeling broken we become full of despair, feeling that we will never survive such deep tragedy. We spiral into depression and some will consider alternatives to living. That hopelessness is REAL. I am not going to sugar coat it. Others on the outside may not see it, and many will not understand it, but that does not negate the reality of its existence.
I have been there. Many times through my turbulent life I have considered whether or not life was worth living. Many who know me would never suspect that because I appear to be strong, resillient, fully capable. But here is the thing. The strongest people often will need the most attention when something horrible happens to them. They will never ask for help because they have become so used to being the support person for others that it becomes ingrained in their psyche. And being unable to ask for help, or worse asking for it and being denied, devastates even the strongest person. With nowhere to turn and nowhere to rest, of course a strong person will be left with both agony and emptiness. And so it becomes quite a viable alternative to simply end things.
When I first read about kintsugi, I realized that this is what I have been doing with my life from a very early age. Something would devastate me and I would find a way to breathe gold energy into my system. Something would break me and I would breathe gold energy into my system. Something would utterly destroy me and, you guessed it, I would breathe gold energy into my system. That gold energy heals all wounds, all breaks, and anything that shatters, including, for example, my heart. While healing I might experience life through grey clouds and thunderstorms, but the healing is still taking place, and it has been able to help me to rise from the debris of devastation.
That gold energy infusion (not the actual element of gold, but the color of the energy) has adapted my aura and has become a beacon for others who are going through similar challenges and tribulations. They become drawn to me, as I do to them. Through my compassion and my intent, I have been able to be of comfort and healing to many throughout my life, not just in my professional work as a shaman. I know what it is to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I do not delude myself into thinking that a particular faith will help me through any of it. I allow myself to simply receive the gold healing energy. Having walked through it myself, I find that I have developed better skills in guiding others through it until they also experience their own personal kintsugi.
But even if you have never experienced such devastation in your own life you can still be helpful to someone who is walking through it. Pay attention. Listen to their feelings. Look beneath the mask of “I am fine” and find the part of them that is hurting so deeply that they are just barely hanging on by a thread. THAT is the part to speak to, to comfort, to encourage to keep breathing and keep living. After so many tragic losses in my life I can honestly say that there is ALWAYS something good in store around the bend. We just can’t see it because we are still approaching the bend. But once we get there we can see it and we can speed up to meet it.
Let’s face it, all of us are some version of broken. You really do not get through life without some battle scars of one form or another. It is not about whether or not you survive as much as it is about who you choose to become as a result of the experience.
So check in with your friends and family when they have experienced a loss, even if it is one that you personally would not consider to be that big of a deal. To them it may have been their world. Check in. Bring food. Bring drinks. Bring your compassion and capability to understand something that is perhaps outside of your wheel house. And, whatever you do, stay away from platitudes. They do NOT help. If anything they will incite rage. They will give a message of “Buck up, you pathetic being.” That is not the message you want to give to anyone you care about. Keep it real. Be present. Meet them where they are and gently let them know that love is alive and that they are not alone and never have to be. These are things that helped me when I was going through it…every time.
I have often been aware that while I am helping others to heal I am also healing myself. This is part of the magic of healing. It has a ripple effect. It ripples immediately to those around us as we begin to heal. It ripples to our families, to our friends, to our community, to the world at large, and to the Universe, vast as it is. And what ripples back to us is the response to the healing, which is more healing. Because that energy resonates and attracts the abundance of its vibration. It really is quite profound.
It is something that is a form of “reward,” if you will. Not that we need reward for doing good things. But it responds nonetheless and sustains us and heals us and encourages us to continue to move forward.
As I heal others, I heal myself. I am only as broken as I allow myself to continue to be. I will repair, over time. I will heal, over time. I will continue to be my own personal version of kintsugi.