I have met a lot of people over the years. Some of them I have loved tremendously. Others, not so much. But in my interactions with people I have found a few comonalities. There are a LOT of people who are afraid of death. I am not one of those people. Having already died a few times, I can say that there is really nothing to fear. Life can be much more difficult than death ever will be. And death is inevitable anyway.
There are also a lot of people who are afraid of living. Choices become so ultimately difficult because they are afraid of failing or making a mistake. They are afraid of being hurt so they will guard their hearts so that they are utterly alone and thus have the illusion of being impenetrable. The folks who live this way are not happy. Sometimes they can fake something that can appear to be happiness. But they are actually acting. It is a facade. Inside they are incredibly lonely and afraid. This struggle can go on for their entire lives. Until they wake up to their lives.
When that happens it is like a candle is lit at first. Slowly it fills their inner sanctum with a soft light of possibility. But then something happens that awakens them more. Then it is more like an overhead light has been turned on. That is where many rest. They don’t go for more because they worry that there is no more or that they are undeserving. But for some, something else will happen. Suddenly the inner sactum is filled with stadium lights and it is BLINDING, yet also thrilling!
This reminds me of the song, “This little light of mine.” Because the more we allow our inner light to shine, the brighter it gets. And it radiates from us to others and helps to ignite their inner lights as well. When we accept our shining light we also become protective of it, as well as it of us. If anyone tries to blow it out we BLAST them with a radiance the likes of which can only be described as biblical in nature. They can either allow their light to shine in response or they can run and hide in the shadows. Either way, the choice is theirs. But they do not get to choose whether or not our light shines. They do not get to dictate anything about our light. They simply need to make their choices about themselves. And if they choose their light as opposed to their darkness, they will be embraced by those of us who are the Shining Ones. If they choose their darkness, then we simply turn away and move on, knowing that at some point down the road they may be ready, but for now they are not.
Please do not mistake this for a LOVE AND LIGHT writing. It is not. Because those who have not addressed their shadow selves will hide in LOVE AND LIGHT mentality while they create chaos all around them. This is about doing the shadow work so that our light CAN shine. The Shining Ones do not preoccupy themselves with only LOVE AND LIGHT. They don’t need to. They simply live their lives authentically. That is the ripple of light that lasts. It has nothing at all to do with denying the shadow self’s existence. The Shining Ones know that it is there. And we work with it so that it does not consume our beings. That is called BALANCE.
When we live within that balance we are still faced with choices, and some of those can be difficult choices to make. But when we live within the balance of light and dark we know the full potential of each. That gives us an in. We make our choices authentically and work out the results (that which some call consequences). I personally like calling them results. The reason for that is that “consequences” holds within it a vast amount of judgement. But when we use the word “results” what we are doing is deflating that judgement and understanding what our strategies have been in the circumstance and how well those strategies either worked or did not work. This is much like conducting an experiment and logging the results and discoveries of the experiment. We then get to sort out which strategies consistently work out well verses those that do not or that need some tweaking in order to become more efficient.
Here is a small example of what I mean by “strategies.” When my daughter was wee little and learning to tie her shoes it was a challenge for her. Yes, we could have gotten her velcro runners, but that finger dexterity that gets developed when tying shoes is extremely important for brain development. We don’t want our children skipping the crawling phase of locomotion because that messes with the wiring of the brain. We also do not want them to skip simple things like tying shoe laces.
Her mother would often get very impatient because they would have to be somewhere at a certain time. When our daughter would break down crying she would get even more annoyed. Sometimes she would tell her to tuck the laces into the shoes and off they would go. That was her strategy when it came to teaching the kids that promptness in life is an essential life skill. Cool. They certainly learned that. I had a different strategy.
As my daughter would start to cry I would know that some of the tears were actually a trauma response to her mother’s anger and impatience with her. So, no matter where we were going or when we were supposed to be there, I would stop, get down to her eye level, and say to her, calmly, “Just take your time with it. There is nowhere we have to be immediately. I can wait while you sort this out and I believe in you and your ability to do so.” Amazingly, she would stop crying and focus on the task. Sometimes I would remind her how to do it, doing up one of the shoes. She would then do the other shoe. Voila! Laces were tied. And off we would go to wherever we were headed.
Now, I am NOT saying that I was consistently Father of the Year. Far from it. But there were a number of times that I did get it right. That is an example of when I did. When we live our lives authentically as a Shining One, we are able to see past the turmoil and into the soul of the matter. I could see my daughter was having anxiety about tying her shoes. I had to let her know I believed in her and that I was patient enough to wait while she worked on the task at hand. Her soul was crying out for patience and had been being met with the opposite. So, there we were, sitting on the floor, allowing the time it took for her to put all the pieces together and accomplish what we both knew she could do.
Sometimes we do need to change what the strategies are that we have been using. Sometimes we need to change what the strategies are that those around us have been using. Either way, a strategy gets put into play and the results are guaged as either successful or not so successful. And it is completely alright to recognize when the experiment failed. That gives us great insight as to what to try next for a strategy of success.
I have a friend who paints beautiful images. She sometimes gets frustrated with herself about how long it takes her to complete a painting. But the thing is I can see how she is processing the experience. She considers at least 50 different ways that something can be done and then chooses the one she thinks might work best. I always trust that when she makes her decision the painting will be perfect. I am not sure if she consciously knows that she is sorting out strategies for success or if she is just focusing on how long it takes her to make a decision. Nonetheless, the sorting of strategies is still in play. And the results are amazing!
The strategies and choices we make in relationships can be much more difficult than figuring out a plan for how to produce an end result in a project. There are a lot of variables that come into play in relationships. We also must recognize the patterns of relationships that we were taught as we were growing up. Those patterns, unrecognized, can lead us around as though we were wearing a collar and leash. Because these patterns were always seen as “normal” we don’t often recognize them as dysfunctional and unhealthy. But once we do recognize it for what it is, we must find other strategies to try out. Often this will lead to wonderful discoveries about relationships that we are in or that we were in some time ago. The thing is that we cannot fear breaking dysfunctional patterns. How else are we to free ourselves from them? Sometimes those patterns need to be broken before we can actually see what a more healthy strategy could be! Many stop there because they fear that unknown land of existence and discovery. But once the old patterns are broken, we are more able to see the other possibilities. That can be so exciting!