Something that frustrates this shaman is hearing people say things like, “I am who I am, I am what I am, and there is no changing that, so either accept me as I am or don’t bother me.” There are a LOT of people in our world who use this as a motto in their lives. But here is the thing…
1. Change is inevitable whereas growth is optional. That is something that people also recognize as a truth. However, if growth is optional in the face of change and one chooses to not grow, then one gets left in the dust every time.
2. Immaturity dictates that the world must adhere to one’s personal standards and perspectives rather than learning and growing from other standards and perspectives. The world does not work that way, nor does it care what your rigid beliefs are. It will either leave you in the dust or crush you. So, although you may be unwilling to change, it will turn out badly only for YOU.
As we all learn and grow through life we find that we have this thing called “character development” that happens. It is called character DEVELOPMENT for a reason. Let me put it this way. A solidly built house does not just appear out of nowhere. One has to first have land upon which to build that house. One has to prepare that land properly. Then one has to lay a solid foundation. Once that is set, the framing of the house, according to design, can then take place. Then the roof can be put on. Once the house is framed and roofed the exterior walls can be filled in, insulated, and so on. Once that is done, the plumbing and electrical needs can be installed. Once that is accomplished, the drywall can be put up on the walls. Once that process is complete sinks, counters, countertops, showers, toilets and electrical fixtures can be installed. Doors to rooms and closets and such can also then be installed. Paint can go on the walls and trim can be put around doorways. And once all of this, with whatever other amenities the house is to have, is complete, it is move in ready. A family can now live comfortably in this house.
If at any point in the development of the house everything came to a grinding halt and would develop no further than that, the house would never be able to become a home. At least, not until the work was once again picked up and completed.
Character development works much the same way. As a child we cannot, at 5 years of age, just pick up the keys to a car and declare that we are now able to drive. Someone will get killed if we try that. As a teenager we cannot expect that we will instantly earn $100,000.00 a year upon leaving high school. We have to put in the academic work in order to be well enough trained to do a job. And then we still need to find a position at a place that is willing to hire us. And then we have to work our way up to the big bucks. All of this takes a tremendous amount of TIME and WORK.
When we leave it at, “I am who/what I am and I will not ever change” we are taking an extremely immature stance in our lives. We are setting boundaries around ourselves and also we are telling others, some of whom we may love dearly, that THEY are not worth the work that goes into our personal character development. We are saying as well that WE are not worth the work that goes into it. And I am here to say that you need to grow up! Life will present us with many challenges, and if we approach it with that sniveling five-year-old attitude, we are not going to make it.
People often equate character development with “forced change.” It is not about that at all. It is about adaptability. As a species we would not have survived the Ice Age had we not been able to adapt to the changes that the world was experiencing. As we adapt we learn and we grow. We also survive whatever the challenge is.
Some folks look at character development as coming primarily from pain and suffering. Although pain and suffering can lead us into developing our character, I am here to tell you that each and every one of us has the ability to develop our own character without the pain and suffering being inflicted upon us. The only thing that the pain and suffering does is give up ample opportunity to access our inner resources. Those resources were always there. We did not need any pain or suffering to be able to have that.
I much prefer to be able to see my own character development in action. Just like we completely change all the cells in our bodies approximately every 7 years to the point that we are no longer the same physical being as we were 7 years, 14 years, 21 years ago, our character changes as well. I look back on my 21 year old self and compassionately see him for who he was back then, knowing that I have changed so much in the years since that I cannot even try to fake being the same person I was back then. I have grown. And although my body ages, as does everyone else’s, my character has improved and become something for me to truly admire about myself. It is never too late to change who you are. It is never too late to become a better person than the one you were yesterday, last month, or last year.
So I hope this helps to put a few things in perspective. Because if you are stuck in some illusion of never needing to change you will definitely suffer the consequences. And once you take steps toward character development there is no turning back and the rewards are tremendous.