Over the years I have learned a LOT from crows. How they function with each other individually, how they function in groups, and how they interact with humans and other animals has always fascinated me. So many people along the way have had a deep hatred of these birds. I have never understood them when this hatred is expressed. They may list reasons, such as the fact that crows will steal eggs from the nests of songbirds, but those reasons are always one-sided. After all, is that not what humans do to chickens? Nature always dictates that in order for one thing to survive another thing must die. This is true even if one is a vegetarian. Do you think that eating a carrot is not killing a plant? Of course it is. Just as eating meat kills an animal or a bird.
Crows have this thing that I admire. They form lifelong bonds. This is not exclusive to a mate. It can simply be another crow they get along well with. And that bond lasts the lifetime of the crow who lives the shortest. And when the one crow dies, the other crow suffers deep grief. This is not the behavior of something without intelligence! This is the behavior of something with profound consciousness and intelligence.
I also find it interesting that a crow will never betray its friend. If anything, crows have been known to protect their friends and sacrifice themselves to save a friend from harm. If only humans had that same level of commitment!
As humans we have all experienced betrayal in one form or another from those we have trusted. That betrayal may have been accidental, but most often it has been intentional. Each time betrayal happens, our brains get further rewired into a state of suspiscion and mistrust. Is it any wonder we have some problems finding our pack? This is why, once we have found our pack it is important to not disregard the importance of that.
I am one of those people who is both a loner and a social butterfly. This sounds like it is self-contradicting, but it is not. I am an ambivert, meaning that I enjoy both social time and alone time. I am not strongly leaning toward one over the other and am completely comfortable with both socializing and being alone for days. I guess I am the type who likes the company of others but also enjoys the company of myself. Sometimes, depending on the intensity of the social gathering, I will immediately need to recharge in the privacy of my own home. Large gatherings are like that for me. I enjoy them for what they are, but afterwards I will spend a few days by myself to regather myself and recharge. I know this about myself, so I won’t commit to too many gatherings back to back. That would be overwhelming. Thus I am not a rock star putting on performances for thousands of fans every night while on tour. Even if I had the talent to become that popular I would not be able to stand the lifestyle.
When I choose to spend time with a friend it is because I want to and truly desire to share my time and energy with that person. It is not about filling a gaping hole in my life. It is about connection. I value my friends deeply and cherish their friendships. They bring light into my life and I do the same for them.
What I do not understand, however, is those folks who absolutely MUST be around large groups of friends all the time. This, to me, smacks of avoidance of self-awareness. Having masses of friends around all the time might give you the temporary high of feeling popular, but it seriously lacks what people need for deep connection, because just as you are beginning to connect with someone, sombody else interrupts and requires your attention. So all the friendships end up becoming more superficial than they are meaningful.
I also do not understand people who see friendship from a very one-sided perspective. These are the ones who insist on the friendship looking a particular way. This might express itself in terms of when and where and how frequently one can get together. If the friendship is all about only meeting up in one particular way, then that is not an actual friendship. The one insisting on that particular way is looking after only their own interests. A lack of flexibility when it comes to getting together leads to stagnation of a friendship and the eventual demise of that friendship. There really needs to be a plethora of options available for getting together. For example, it does not always have to happen on one particular day of the week. It does not always have to happen on a weekend. It does not always have to happen only at one person’s house. It does not always have to mean going somewhere to eat or drink. If we open ourselves to options we will soon discover that there are so many things available to us that will enrich a get-together with a friend. If we are unable to be flexible and work with our freind’s personal schedule, then we might just as well say goodbye to that friend because this one was based more upon our need to control the situation than it was about getting together in a flexible and enriching way.
Thinking outside the box is essential. Consider doing things such as going for a walk together, having a fire pit together, visiting a garden centre together, going to an art gallery together, going to a pottery building place together, going for a drive in the country together, going for a horseback ride together, going to a psychic fair together. The list is actually endless. And be willing to explore things that are outside of your comfort zone. For example, years and years ago my brother, who was a monster truck driver, was on tour in town. Now, I am not into that sort of thing at all, but one of my buddies was, so I called him up and asked if he would like to go together. He jumped at the chance and was also thrilled to meet my brother after the show was done. The fact that I could bring him such joy so easily was something that I truly enjoyed. Yes, the gas fumes and the noise was hard for me to take, but seeing the excitement and rush of pure FUN on my friend’s face was absolutely worth it. And yes, afterward we did go for coffee as well, so that was MY part of the evening.
If a friendship is meaningful to you, simply make the effort. It really is as simple as that. Value the friendship, put effort into that friendship, and do not, for any reason whatsoever, betray that friendship. But also, know when it is time to let go of the friendship. If the phone is only dialed by you, then maybe give them some space to think about dialing you up as well. If you are the one being betrayed, then, no matter what the sentimentality or nostalgia may be, END IT. Because that is not a friendship if you can so easily become disposable in their eyes. If you can work out disagreements, then yes, it is worth hanging onto. But also know that friendships evolve and sometimes will morph into something new and unexpected. So when that happens, approach it with a great sense of adventure!
*photo from Crow’s Insight Card Deck