This is something that many folks struggle with. I think that most of that is because many traditions stem from times long forgotten and the reasons behind the traditions get lost or justified with things like, “This is the way it has always been done,” with no explanation whatsoever as to why it has always been done that way. Sometimes the reasons are shared, but also have morphed over the centuries, and so a person is left with empty traditional demands that do not make much sense in the modern world whatsoever. Let’s face it, if we relied only upon traditions we would not have survived the Ice Age. Things had to adapt and change in order to promote survival. The same can be said for various catastrophies and the impact that they have on an entire people. At the same time, those very catastrophies do sometimes reinforce the importance of traditions. It really can swing in either direction.
When we find that a tradition does not resonate with us we have to ask ourselves why? Is it that nobody has ever explained the reasoning behind the tradition? Is it that nobody really knows what the reason for the tradition originally was? Is it that the tradition itself stems from a practice, religious or otherwise, that does not fit with who we now are?
Many have found that, once the tradition is adequately explained and makes sense, the tradition feels right to us. And so we continue with that tradition because it resonates. But many have found that traditions, even when adequately explained, do not fit with who we are or who we are becoming. This can make us feel internally at odds, but it can also make us feel at odds with family, religions, and society. So, then how do we navigate this?
I have found myself in this position numerous times throughout my lifetime, mostly because I am determined to continually learn, heal, and grow. Often that growth means that I grow out of one way of being and grow into another way of being. It is not that the original way of being was ever “wrong” in any way. It just no longer fits me. Much like an old outfit will have served its purpose, but now needs to be replaced with something newer and more appropriate to who I now am. An example of this is a tradition that was handed down from one side of my family wherein when someone dies any painting or framed photo of them must be draped with black lace for a year after their death. The concept is that it serves to further acknowledge in our minds and subconscious minds that they are gone, and it lends an opportunity for us to not hold onto them post mortem, thus allowing their soul to move all the way on into the Light. I totally get it. However, I have also noticed that whether or not the painting or photo is draped, some of them still visit and some of them do not want to move on. Am I to simply ignor their dillema? No. I respond and help them to cross over. What does, however, work for me personally is to place their painting or photo on my Ancestral Wall which is located around my Ancestral Altar. This area is also draped off from the general public as it is in my healing room where I work with clients. But whenever I like I can pull back the drape and sit at my altar and commune. This does not in any way interfere with their passage into the Otherworld. Most often it assists those who struggle to move on. And when I am working with my Ancestors I will only work with my Ascended Ancestors. Any who have not ascended are welcome to observe, but not participate. That way if they have any unresolved issues those issues have no hold on any of the Ancestral work that I am doing.
When I begin to question a tradition I do my best to research that tradition to find its essential core…where it began and why. This means asking a LOT of questions and digging ever deeper to find answers. Some folks don’t like when you do that. They become afronted by the fact that you have the audacity to question the tradition in the first place! Always remember that this is a THEM problem, not a YOU problem. Keep asking the questions and finding the deeper answers and, hopefully, the deeper meanings. Don’t just accept the surface answers. Dig deeper.
When you find the deeper answers you are then left with a choice (because you ALWAYS have a choice). Do you continue with this? Or do you set it aside and move on to something that feels more congruent with your current self and your current moral code? Is the reason behind the tradition based upon some archaic form of power and control over others? Does the tradition honor not just the patriarchy, but also the matriarchy? Does it honor the individual sovereignty? Does it serve to bring us closer to our Spiritual Self, or does it only serve to make us subservient to some deity? Does it hold value in terms of a code of conduct? Is this code of conduct practiced by those who preach it?
If you find that the tradition is leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth, start searching for other paths to follow; paths that will hold up what you find to be spiritually important in your self and in your world. Again, you ALWAYS have a choice! The choice may not be what others want for you or demand of you. That is alright. They will either adapt or fade out of your life. Even if it is a demanding family member, you are better off being autonomous than your are being oppressed. So, make your choices and honor who you are and who you want to become. The rest is simply irrelevant.