A few days ago I decided to watch a movie on Netflix called Threesome. I don’t know if any of you have seen it, but it is actually a really good movie. I know! The title alludes to something really kinky. But the meat of the story is deep and heart-warming. I would highly recommend it. There is, in this movie, a quote that is attributed to the Dali Lama. Although the Dali Lama did say many things regarding compassion, this quote is not anything that he ever said, but one would almost think he did because of the message it holds. The quote goes, “A heart that’s afraid to break is a heart that’s never used.”
I think these words speak volumes. I know that in my own life there have been many times that I have withdrawn from a person or a circumstance out of pure self-preservation. I did not want my heart to be broken, so instead of taking a chance that it may not be, I just walked away. For me heartbreak was such a common event in the environment I grew up in. I had to learn to be tough as nails and have cutting comebacks just to be able to survive the toxic environment. I became jaded when it came to what others would present as authenticity. Truthfully, 98% of the time that protected me from those who were simply pretending to be authentic. But the other 2% did not even have a chance because I got so used to fake people around me. That old me would see that the quote meant that in order to not be used, just RUN.
The new me sees this quote differently. I see it as more hopeful now. I have learned to live from the heart and to connect with the heart. I am not always armored up and waiting for an attack from any given direction. Now I am softer, kinder, wiser. When I see dysfunction I often also see the pain and sorrow underneath the dysfunction. That does not mean that I must tolerate the dysfunction, just that I understand the root of it. And if I don’t I am now wise enough to ask questions for the purpose of gaining understanding.
Along with that is the ability to not assume to know anything. Because just when you think you have it all sorted out, there will be a curve ball. My favorite words these days are, “I don’t know.” Those are words of truth. None of us ever really know. But we still, as humans, strive to connect and to trust and to love. And when we find that, it is important to take care of that, and of those who bring those things into our lives. So take care of those you love. Don’t let yourself get swept away with doubts and insecurities. Dive in. If your heart gets broken, it will repair and you will have a different opportunity down the road. Feel the grief and sorrow, and heal. Then move on.