There is a skill to enjoying life. It is one that many people do not master. (I have seen a lot of memes posted on social media about this, but, of course, did not save them, so hopefully if any of this is repetitious it won’t be taken as me stealing any information) People often get caught up in the humdrum and ho hum of life and lose track of the beauty of it. Here are a few of the things that I have learned along the way. These are things that have not been “given” to me. They are simply things that began to unfold within me.
One of the things that I have had to learn is that life is not a bed of roses all the time. And if a bed of roses is involved, then you can be sure that nobody thought to remove the thorns. Each of those thorns represent difficulties and problems. The trick is to work on solving each of them and, while you do, finding ways to enjoy life along the way. If we think of ourselves as incapable of creating joy, then we get bogged down. If we think that we are entitled to only good times, you will end up with equally challenging moments in life. Life can become very hard when we expect nothing of ourselves but expect everything of everyone else. When we step up to our own creation of a good life, we stand tall in the knowledge that we did this because we expected that we would have to do it, not because we expected someone else to do it on our behalf. When we expect much from ourselves and little from the world around us we learn how to create our own happiness regardless of what else is happening in the world. If we have high standards for ourselves we don’t need to expect much at all from the world around us. Thus, we become less dependent upon others for our own happiness.
In order to solve issues that arise, you have to find the only two things in life that we can control. Those two things are your effort and your attitude. If you make no effort to change things within you or to change things within your life, then NOTHING WILL CHANGE. And if we go about our life with a sucky attitude, then life will definitely suck all around. When we take control of our efforts and our attitudes, things change. Yes, they may change at a snail pace, but they do indeed change nonetheless.
If we are worried about how to even begin, then look at it as a ball of tangled yarn. Don’t worry about how to start. Just pick the yarn up, find one end, and begin there. As we work from one end onward we will certainly find snags and tangles along the way. However, as we work those through we find that each time we encounter them they will untangle more and more easily. Hold onto what has been untangled, and continue to untangle the rest until that ball of yarn is smooth and steady.
People often equate happiness with pleasure. Pleasure is only a very small part of happiness. Happiness also contains within it things such as contentment and purpose. When we strive for contentment and to explore our own purpose we then find happiness. And once we find that, the pleasure is a fringe benefit, but never the main substance of happiness.
We have to also come to terms with the idea that most of our problems are just in our minds. Our minds have a talent for making small things seem much bigger than they are. We can often find ourselves obsessing over something that is so small and inconsequential that we can drive ourselves mad. Think about how often you find yourself criticizing something you said or did, or did not say or do. Not much fun, is it? Sure, we might find ourselves in a circumstance that is embarrassing, but we do not need to hold onto that moment for the rest of our lives, and we certainly do not need to waste our time and energy obsessing with the “what if” and creating moments that do not exist. The mind is full of fears. But if we can train our minds to deal with what is real and present and right in front of us, instead of fearfully waiting for what “might happen,” we will be coming at life from a more realistic perspective. This can bring a lot of peace to us.
There are three things that we should never allow to control us: people, past experiences, and money. I remember being in a toxic marriage for years before I finally decided that it was time to quit that b.s. What was holding me back? Money. Yet money was not overly abundant at that time anyway. I had to come to the realization that a change needed to take place and that my mental health was worth more to me than property of any form. Did it cost me? Absolutely. But that “cost” for me was also an investment in the rest of my life. I could never go back and will never look back.
I am not a believer in “everything happens for a reason.” I think that this motto has been misused too often and often makes people feel like crap when something horrible has happened to them. However, I do believe that we have an immense capacity to transmute horrible things into medicine that we can walk with for the rest of our lives. Sometimes what we do with the horrible event is much more important than the event itself. The event itself was only a catalyst to our transmutation. Nothing more. If we allow ourselves the moment of feeling like a victim, that is okay. If we make that our entire life story, that is not okay. If we allow ourselves to move from victim to survivor, that is okay. If we let ourselves be held forever in “survivor” mode, then that is not okay. We have to continue to move into the the next phase, which is one of thrivorship. Be a thrivor and allow yourself to THRIVE. Otherwise we are just allowing something or someone else define who we are capable of becoming.
Lastly, I feel it is important to always focus on gratitude, even when life sucks. There can always be something that we can be grateful for…if we are willing to look for it. I wake up every day and whisper “thank you” to whatever forces that be for the mere fact that I get to have another day on this trip we call “life.” After all, old age is a luxury that many do not have opportunity to experience! But I would do this as a child. And no matter how messed up my life would get (and, believe me, there have been PLENTY of MESSED UP times), I would still whisper “thank you.” I feel, no, I KNOW that this is what got me through everything that was going sideways throughout my life. That gratitude opened me to perceive more than just the misery and the horrors of what was happening. I was able to see the hope, the light, the love that was all around me and within me. I had no time for bitterness. I simply had to move through and move on. Yes, I would process the events. But I would refuse to dwell upon them. That is a trap. I do not like traps.
I sincerely hope that whoever is reading this will find it helpful. And may it assist you in becoming the best version of yourself that you can be!