I see a lot of stuff on social media about how difficult it is to be an empath. It is almost as if people are equating being an empath with being a sponge that soaks up everything that everyone else feels and thinks until they are so saturated that they can barely function. What this does is give the impression that to be empathic you have to be settled with the idea of having some kind of handicap. This mentality is so damaging on so many levels.
First off, it gives empathy a bad rep. In a world where harshness is the “cool thing” we need as many empathic individuals as we can get. But it does not mean that the empathic individual cannot have proper boundaries. Like this meme says, “Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional tolerance.” If someone is treating your poorly or behaving in a toxic manner, you have every right to declare a boundary with that person. But once you do, you MUST BE CONSISTENT with that boundary. This means no waffling back and forth and allowing yourself to be gaslighted for having that boundary. That just makes you to feel guilty for drawing the line in the sand when they are the ones who should feel guilty for having crossed that line in the first place.
Here is the thing about the relationships that empaths tend to get into. Most often, because they have very little actual sense of “self” because they are so busy picking up on everyone else’s “selves,” they spend most of their lives trying to please others in order to be liked. But you know who will like them the most? Narcissists. The narcissist has an overly inflated sense of self and really enjoys being cow towed to. And if someone doesn’t cow tow to them, they will gaslight that person until they cave in to their demands. Empaths are like magnets for narcissists. Always keep this in mind when you are an empath. But also address your own narcissism, because everyone has that to a certain degree.
Also remember to not equate other things, such as a differing opinion, with narcissism. The fact that we do not agree on something does not mean that either one of us is acting from a place of narcissism, nor does it mean that either one of us is acting from a place of “toxic masculinity.”
There is nothing toxic about masculinity itself. That is a concept that many have yet to learn. And toxic masculinity, when it is there, can be practiced by both men and women. It is closely related to narcissism, but is not exactly the same thing as narcissism.
One of the best things that an empath can do for themselves is to develop the skill of discernment. What this means is the ability to sort out what is “mine” and what is “theirs” when it comes to energy that is disruptive. We can all have disruptive and toxic energy. In fact, most people do. However, before we point fingers at others, we need to take a good, hard look at our own patterns of energy and behavior.
For example, I have had a number of people come to me to help remove a hex that they believe to be placed upon them. They have had some relationship go sideways and suddenly they have a string of bad luck happening. Suddenly the fingers are pointed. However, a lot of times the bad luck is actually related to their own energy, not that of any person “sending bad medicine” their way. Don’t get me wrong here. Hexes and curses are a thing. However, before going there, one has to take a good look in the mirror and see if our own patterns of disruptive behavior are involved. For example, are we simply trying to avoid something (some task or difficult conversation) and in so doing creating a ripple effect that then affects our inner peace? If so, we should really look at stopping the avoidance and just dive into resolving whatever that issue is. Avoidance is also known as Spiritual Bypassing. We need to be able to sit with the uncomfortable and take a look at our own behaviors. As we do, our own energy begins to realign with proper flow.
Being an empath does not mean that we are in any way handicapped. It also does not mean that we have the right to intrude on others’ feelings, or to project our own feelings upon them. “I am an empath, so you cannot lie to me” has been used as weaponry so many times. Instead of using empathy to create a safe place where things that are uncomfortable can be shared, it is used to intimidate, control and accuse others of things they have most likely not done at all. This is abusive. Think about the person who is constantly accusing their partner of cheating on them, even though there is no tangible evidence of such an event ever having taken place. That is crazy making B.S. But when the accuser is told this they will immediately revert to “You are a narcissist and you are not going to gaslight me!” The dysfunction of such a relationship is astounding.
So please, be an empath. The world needs more of them. But also remember to do your own healing work on all of your fears and insecurities so that they are not messing up your present situation.