Over my lifetime I have gotten to know a LOT of people from all over the world. When I look back on my life, I am amazed by how many people there have been in my life. I am an ambivert, so I really appreciate my personal alone time. But I am also a bit of a social butterfly, so in small doses I enjoy connecting with others. The smaller the group the better. And meeting new people is, of course, a bit of a challenge for me with social anxiety as a part of it all, but I do manage. I am not stand-offish by any means. I am simply more reserved than many, even though, once one gets to know me, I am a lot of fun.
Over the many, Many, MANY years of my existence on this planet, there have been things that I have learned in relationships and about relationships. For example, some people are here for only a season, but there is always a reason for our encounter with them. Having said that, I must caution my readers to not think that this is the same as “everything happens for a reason.” That is such a broad statement and can be used in damaging ways. For example, if someone has been hit by a car driven by someone who is impaired. Then hearing someone thoughtlessly saying, “Everything happens for a reason” is experienced like a slap in the face. It is like telling someone that somehow they are responsible for the event, when the fault actually lies with the impaired driver. What I am referring to is the ability to appreciate and reflect upon relationships, even if they are no longer existing in our lives. Being able to look back and acknowledge the things we enjoyed (or did not enjoy) about the relationships, seeing what sorts of things we learned about ourselves in the relationships, recognizing what these lessons in self-awareness have led us to…that is the sort of thing that I am talking about. It is not about blame or shame in any way. It is about seeing where we were at in the moment back then, and how far we have come now…how much we have grown through time.
This is the stuff that makes entering a new relationship easier. We have learned things and have become more well-rounded individuals. We then bring that experience, knowledge and wisdom into the next relationship. Each time we enter a new relationship we allow ourselves to shine in a brighter way. Besides, new relationships and new challenges are good for the soul. They help us to grow and expand our consciousness as well as our heart centers.
It is important each time to remember to not allow ourselves to get overly attached to someone. Yes, we can love them deeply, but that does not mean that we should expect any control over them as human beings. Each person has their own life journey and, if I am able to be some small part of that journey, then I am honored. But each person has their own journey and lessons to learn, and by intervening too hastily, we may actually disrupt their growth. It is crucial to respect other people’s processes and allow them the opportunity to navigate their own challenges. This doesn’t mean that we should abandon compassion or withhold assistance, but rather that we should be mindful of the impact our actions may have on others. While it is natural to want to lend a hand to those in need, it is essential to consider the bigger picture. By finding the balance between offering support and honoring individual autonomy, we can ensure that our help is truly beneficial and respectful of others’ experiences.
Remember, sometimes the best way to support someone is by empowering them to handle their own challenges and learn their own lessons. By doing so, we allow them the space to grow and develop in their own time and in a way that aligns with their unique path. So, before rushing in to save others, take a moment to pause, reflect, and evaluate whether your intervention is truly necessary and in line with their broader journey of self-discovery and growth.
I don’t like to do things for others that they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves. So I tend to not rush in and try to “save” them in what they perceive as their time of need. That is only perception, after all. But I will and do coach them on how they might shift the experience for themselves. I ask them pertinent questions and allow them to fill in the blanks with their answers. I truly believe that we are all able to figure things out, but that sometimes it just takes someone who is interested to ask us the questions that get our minds out of the rut they have been in. I don’t like to really “advise” anyone on an issue. The reason is that hardly anyone will actually take good advice. Instead they tend to dig themselves in deeper until they finally see that the person giving them the good advice maybe actually knew something. That is part of human nature. I don’t like hitting my head against a brick wall, so I try to stay away from advising anyone. I just ask questions and let them figure it all out for themselves. I think this is also why I tend to be a good counsellor. I have a very clear idea of what is mine and what is yours, even if some of my experiences match up with your experiences. And with that in mind, it becomes easy to ask the right questions. And I never spoon feed anyone information. They will figure it out. I believe in them.
There are so many seasons in a person’s life. It is important to know which one we are in at any given moment. For example, I used to be just a father. Now I am in the season where I could, within a few short years, end up being a grandfather. Who knows? And if that never happens, then I will settle for being a wise old sage. There was a time when I was a small child. That inner child still exists within me, but I experience him in a much different and, dare I say, enlightened way. There may also come a time when I become a caregiver for an elderly sibling. That depends on a lot of factors. But I feel that, considering that she saved me from my abusive father at a crucial time, it would be the least that I could do. That season has not yet come. But I can see it approaching. As they say in Game of Thrones, “Winter is coming!”
I invite you, the reader, to consider which season you are in within your life. From whence have you come? Where are you now? Where can you see yourself going “down the road”? Although life can throw us curve balls now and then, if we can see at least where we are and where we are headed, we can get a leg up on preparation.