A number of years ago I was in a relationship that, at first, of course, seemed like a great thing. I had just come out of a 2 year failed marriage and this new person seemed to be someone who I could connect with on deeper levels. She was intuitive and psychically gifted, as was I, and the energy between us was absolutely amazing.
Over the course of a few months I noticed that she had some very strange things going on. First off, the very first night I spent at her apartment got a little weird. This was before everyone had cell phones. Her land line kept ringing. She would ignore it and it would stop after 10 or so rings. Then it would start again after a brief pause. The third time this happened I asked her what the heck was going on? She said that she had a stalker who kept phoning to harass her. The fourth time this happened I got out of bed, went to the phone, picked up the receiver and spoke in a deep, threatening voice, and said, “Look, buddy. Knock it off or I will fucking kill you.” Then I hung up. She was furious that I would even contemplate interfering. I thought that was a bit nuts. But, having done it, I must say that he never called back. Problem solved…or so I thought.
Later on I found that there were other warning signs happening. She would completely disappear for days and then resurface as though she just stepped out to buy some milk. I happened to find her, while walking through a mall, sitting alone in a restaurant, talking to someone who was not there. This was not even a spirit in attendance with her. This was a full on hallucination. I sat down across the table from her, shocking her out of her episode. I smiled and asked who she thought she was talking to? Other patrons were watching us, obviously wondering the same thing. She suddenly got up, accused me of stalking her, and stormed out of the restaurant. At that point a woman at another table smiled at me and said, “Run. You dodged a bullet there.” I agreed. I knew then that, no matter what my girlfriend’s gift might be, she was also mentally ill. Harsh as it may seem to say, I also knew that this was not my problem. She phoned me a couple of days later and said she was surprised to not hear from me for so long. I asked her why that was and she said that after our argument she had expected that I would at least make contact to apologize. I told her that I had nothing to apologize for, that we did not have an argument but that she had a melt down. There was a difference. I also told her that she was in no way going to get to gaslight me by making me out to be a “stalker” or making it sound like we had an argument when we didn’t. She asked what that meant and I said that it means we are done and to not call me again.
I do hope that she got the help she needed for her mental health, but when I say goodbye to someone in a break up I tend to not have any contact whatsoever. So I really have no idea whether she did or not.
The reason that I share this story is that I want to talk about how important peace is in our day to day lives. When our sense of safety, of security, of peace is compromised we must seriously ask ourselves, “Is the price I am paying for this relationship so high that I am relinquishing my basic requirement for peace?” If the answer to that question is yes (FOR ANY REASON), then you know you have to move on and not look back. I know there can be any number of excuses to stay in a toxic environment, none of which are valid enough to risk your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual safety.
I would rather move from a mansion to a bachelor pad with nothing but a blanket and a mattress for furnishings than stay in the mansion with someone who gaslights me or diminishes me on a daily basis. At least I will have some peace. If the relationship costs me my peace, then it is too expensive. After all, to live a life that most people don’t, you have to be willing to do what most people won’t. Most people try to stick it out and hope something will change. I recognize red flags for what they are and exit stage left. I will especially do that when the red flags get discussed and the person tries to ignore their existence or tries to make me sound like a crazy person for noticing them in the first place. When they pull that stuff they are LUCKY that I only choose to exit. They have sometimes tried to make me out to have a fragile male ego when I left. Nope. Not going to work. I know gaslighting when I see it and you, my dear, have the fragile ego that has to point fingers at others instead of dealing with your own garbage.
So I invite you, my wonderful reader, to pay attention to the red flags. Do not be afraid to address them. If they can be resolved to your satisfaction, then this is excellent. But if the other person tries to gaslight you, exit stage left. Also, please do pay attention to your own toxic methodologies. We all have them. It is what we do with them once they have been discovered by us that makes a world of difference.