Today I was at my friend’s place for coffee. While there she went onto her laptop and was showing me something when I noticed that her laptop was on a different sort of stand than I had ever seen before. I asked her where she got it and she informed me that they are at Best Buy, so on my way home I stopped by there and found one for my size of laptop (yes, in this case size DOES matter). But I also found a wireless mouse that I have been contemplating getting for a few months. When I got home I decided to open the packages and see how these things worked. I am delighted to say that the laptop stand works beautifully and creates a more ergonomic positioning of the laptop keyboard. I am also delighted to report that the wireless mouse works incredibly well too!
I always ponder these sorts of things before purchasing them. I don’t know if the investment will be a total waste of money or if it will turn out to actually help me. Although I have had some bad purchases in the past that had to be returned, this purchase turned out rather well for me. This got me to thinking about other things that I consider investing in on my earth walk. For example, I am a person who is very cautious about fads when it comes to health and weight loss etcetera. I find that most often products are marketed with wild claims that they cannot live up to. And while the claims are being made there is always the caveat that, “in addition to using this product you also must do this, that, the other thing, and so on” in order to get the full value out of the expensive product. I always call bull$h1t on this because your product needs to actually work of its own accord or it does not actually do what you are professin it to do. I know…at my ripe old age I have just started calling a spade a spade and when I see disclaimers I get highly annoyed that anyone would do that to people and that anyone would invest in something that does not actually do what it claims to do. We have all been there and paid the price. But it certainly seems that there is an increasing lack of integrity with product marketing these days.
This does, however, also apply to relationships. Understand that when I spend my time with you, that is time that I can never get back. The mere fact that I am willing to invest that time is an indication that I feel you are worth the investment. Once a person proves me wrong about that investment, I withdraw instantly and completely. Yes, I wish them well on their journey, but I am not obligated in any way to continue cheering you on if you have already proven to me that you are not trustworthy or that you have a hurtful, hate-filled part to your personality. You can work on cleaning that up on you own, without my presence. I have often been spoken of as “cold-hearted” because of my ability to withdraw completely and instantly. People can say what they will (and they usually do), but I am here to tell you that my peace of mind is more valuable than anything else in the entire world, so if someone is going to try to mess with that and expect me to be supportive of them while they are messing with that, then they will soon learn what true ghosting is. My threshold for tolerance of poor behavior is minimal to non-existent. We can trust actions far more than we can trust words in this world. So when I see someone saying that they are true and kind and then being false and unkind, they are DONE.
We do live in a society that seems to value fake people more than honest or good people. This saddens me, but I also know that I have complete choice in the matter of participation with anyone in the world. I am not obligated in any way to have to be someone’s friend. If we can get along and also challenge each other to be better people, then I am in. But if someone starts playing games and becomes manipulative, then I am out…completely out. And if I were to ever play games or become manipulative, then I would also expect THEM to be out. After all, there are always two sides to a coin.
Now this also brings me to the issue of gasslighting. You see, there have been some I have begun investing in who have proven to me that they were a bad investment, so I have pulled my “funds,” so-to-speak, and cut my losses. But then after that is done, these folks have tried to gasslight me in the community and turn others against me. Again, this is, to me, proof that my decision to cut and run was the best one I could have made. I will not defend my choice to anyone because I need not justify self-care to anyone at all. And if someone wants me to defend myself, I simply let them know that my decision had excellent merit and that I continue to stand by that decision. No other details are needed and it is really nobody else’s business anyway. The thing is that eventually the person in question will inevitably screw over someone else who trusted them and then it all starts to come to light. The truth, like the sun, will always be there, whether it is covered up momentarily or out in full view. It is always there and eventually everyone gets to see that truth.
So when it comes to relationships, I ask myself certain questions in regards to my actions and approach to them:
- Is it mutually beneficial? If a relationship is one-sided, then it is not. I do not wish to be in a relationship with anyone that I do not value and contribute towards, and I don’t want them to be either.
- Does the relationship help both of us to become more than we already are? Again, I like relationships that are about challenging each other to be better, or more insightful, or more grounded and so on. I always figure that if a friend cannot feel confident enough to give me a kick in the keister, then they might not be as good a friend as I had hoped. Yes, we need to be complimentary and supportive, but not to a fault. We also need to be honest and sometimes blunt in our honesty in order to get a point across that someone is being ridiculous about a certain something in their life. That is what helps us to learn, heal and grow.
- Is this someone I can see myself being connected to for years to come? If it is something that is already fleeting, then the investment will be less than if it were something more long-term.
- How does this person treat waiting staff in a restaurant? I have been known to dump a person on the spot if they are unkind to those who are serving our table. I have also, in situations like that, been known to seek out the server and hand them a hefty tip for the trouble of waiting on a jerk like that.
- How do they respond to my dogs? And how do my dogs respond to them? My dogs are very loyal and loving beings, and if they get creeped out by someone new in my life, that person does not get in any further than that. Sometimes my dogs’ instincts are better than my own. I honor that.
- Another consideration that I make, and this is not a deal breaker, do they like coffee? I know, cheesy at best. But coffee is my one true vice and it is precious to me, so if someone is going to suggest tea or decaf coffee, then we have to have a serious discussion regarding the true value of the coffee bean and the medicinal qualities thereof. I have also found that if someone tries to get me to drink less coffee (2 cups a day is NOT excessive, by the way) then it is not long before they begin preaching to me about food as well and, considering that I am a major foodie, THAT becomes the deal breaker.
- How do they treat children? If they have complete disdain for young people, then I am out. Young people are the next generation of world leaders. Treat them well and hopefully they will, in positions of power, treat everyone else well too.
So those are a few of the guidelines that I have. Take it or leave it, they are an excellent way of determining just how invested I will become.