Have you ever had someone completely wig out on you about something completely insignificant, or perhaps about something that is actually none of their business? While that has been happening, have you ever wondered what was actually going on? If this has happened to you, then CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A BONAFIDE MEMBER OF THE HUMAN RACE! If only we won a ridiculously amazing prize at the end of that statement!
People often get caught up on the symptoms in their lives. In so doing, they also miss what the actual problem might be. For example, a 60 year old male goes to an emergency room with severe pain in his left arm. The current immediate assumption is that he could be having a heart attack. So tests are done to make sure that is what it actually is, because it could be something else… Now, a 52 year old woman goes into an emergency room because her right toe is so painful she almost wants to cut it off to stop the pain. The current immediate assumption is that it is possible that she could be having a heart attack, so tests are done to confirm this, because it could be something else. The thing is that based on both the age and the sex of the patient, the symptoms, although quite different, can actually be pointing to the same thing, which is a problem with the heart. And considering that the heart, should it stop, can actually cause death, that is the thing that is immediately looked at. If that is crossed off the list, then other causes are explored, but the most immediate threat is one that is addressed first.
The human body is an amazing bio-machine. There are so many twists and turns that can take place within it, NONE of which have anything to do with a person’s emotional state, and some of which might. I think that we really have to let go of the New Age dogma that all diseases are caused by emotions that are not addressed. We also have to let go of the contemporary medical dogma that all diseases having NOTHING to do with emotions. It is actually a balance between the two that is necessary. The problem that I have with the thought that all disease is caused by unresolved emotions is that it really sets a person up for judgement, criticism and death when something very serious, that could be biological, genetic, or environmental is being washed over in preference of the dogma. The problem that I have with the thought that emotions have nothing to do with disease is that it becomes painfully obvious at times that someone who is stifling their emotions is causing themselves to have so much emotional stress that it causes the physical body to react in a fight or flight way and thus the physical body can develop chronic symptoms such as stomach ulcers.
I find, however, that although this is an issue that many do encounter along the way, it is not as common an issue as is the human need to go into denial about the self in order to feel “normal”. For example, someone may feel financial stress in their lives. They may be struggling to make ends meet while taking on a new mortgage, or they may be starting a new business venture and wondering how they will make this venture get off the ground. These stressors will have an effect on how one views what is going on around them. They may see someone else as “always having more” or “always having good luck all around them” or even “having privilege that others don’t” simply based upon the fact that they, themselves, feel stress. When one is stressed about something it becomes quite easy to overlook the struggles that others, too, have had in getting to where they are in life. And if someone were to try to explain that, it would be immediately disqualified information because it does not fit into the person’s narrow view of the world that is viewed through stress-coloured glasses.
But what is the actual problem? Is it fear? Well that is actually again a symptom. Is it anxiety? Again, a symptom, not the problem. The actual problem may have more to do with someone having a deeply buried belief that they are not good enough to be successful, that they are not worthy enough to have good things in their lives, that they are not organised enough to create something sustainable for themselves.
When I was a kid I was constantly being told that our family was very poor. Now, it was nowhere near as poor as it had been when my eldest sister came into the world. In comparison, it would be viewed by her as quite affluent. Perceptions are crazy things at times. Yet, by the time I, the youngest of five kids, came along, there was so much more of a financial burden on my parents to provide for this yet again growing family, regardless of how much more money my father may have been making. But it was actually my father’s belief that we were poor. We were reminded every evening at dinner that we should eat up because tomorrow there may be no food. When my mother wanted to get a piano (she was a brilliant musician) my father, who had 3 guitars and a violin, said that if they bought a piano they may lose the house. I also wanted to take piano lessons, which I did when we got the piano, but every day that my father was present during my piano practice he would find yet a new way to make me feel guilty about playing a piano that is costing us the possible loss of our home. I know. Psychological abuse is what it is. I refer to this example from my life because, as the years went on I too adopted the thought that I would never stand on my own two feet. I thought for sure I would be continually reliant upon other people to make my way in life. At the same time, I also know that if I did rely on others, those people would not be my parents because they could not afford squat.
In fact, I was actually told as a young person that the only gifts that I had were ones that should NEVER be used to make a living. Where does that place one in the world? If our natural gifts are not to be used to earn a living, then we are either going to starve to death or we are going to have to be trapped in a job that we hate in order to assure that we can pay rent, buy groceries, be clothed and so on. I decided that I was going to have to make it on my own, no matter what, and that if I was going to do it with any amount of personal authenticity, then I would have to let go of all of the poverty mentality that my father in particular carried.
It took some time. Initially I went out and worked at a variety of jobs that were simply time fillers that would pay my rent. Then I took out student loans so that I could go to university and further my education. I was the first one in my family to do such a thing. And believe me, I heard all about what a rip off the tuitions were, even though my parents were not the ones that were paying for my tuition. I think that they were really fearful that I would end up in student loan debt for the rest of my life. But part way through my university years, I realised that the gifts that I had been given to calm and heal people were quite applicable right then and there. I began performing energy balancing treatments on fellow students. Little did I know that what I was doing was building up a future clientele. By the time I was finished my university degree I was determined that I was going to start up my own business. I focused mainly on counselling and energy balancing treatments. It was slow going. But the most amazing push that I had was when my wife was laid off of work just after we bought our first home and signed mortgage papers. Then I knew that if we were going to do this, it would have to be NOW. I never have looked back really. When one does good work, word of mouth will bring in more clients than one can imagine!
None of this would have been possible if I had not been willing to look at the problem within myself, which was that ever-present poverty mentality that my father had passed on to me. All the symptoms of fear and anxiety about making it in the world were nothing in comparison to the actual problem, which was a deep-seated belief that I was not worthy and that if I were to make something of myself with the gifts that I had, then I would be somehow a shame to the tradition that I was brought up in whereby you give your gifts freely. Welcome to the 21st Century! People can actually VALUE themselves and their talents and charge a fee for those things and make a good enough living. There was a time hundreds of years ago when an entire community would ensure that the shaman was housed and clothed and fed etc. Those days are long gone. The tax man wants to know every penny you earn and how and you are held responsible for providing such information. Although jail time is a form of free room and board, I really don’t like the idea of having to share a cell with someone whose street name is Q-ball. So I created a business of my own and continue to offer my services for a reasonable fee. Yes, sometimes the fee scale will slide downward if I can afford to do that and someone who needs my services is struggling immensely on a financial level. But there is still a fee.
I look at the fee as another form of energy exchange. That is what money is. It is just the current (currency) form of energy exchange. If you need a thing or a service, you place financial energy into that and reap the rewards. Simple. And energy flows continuously. So there need not be lack if one manages their energy flow properly. This means actually paying attention to the financial realities of where you are at in any given moment, not just blinding trusting that “the money will be there”. That philosophy has bankrupted thousands of people. Responsibility is the key there.
So the problem for me was the poverty mentality. Many who are born to parents who grew up in the Great Depression can relate to what I am saying here. When everything crashes and suddenly people are losing their homes, it traumatises people. This trauma, if not addressed and healed, can be passed down for generations. That is what I had to heal within myself. The fear of complete destitution. While doing that, I had to develop within myself a sense of self-worth
and a deep trust, not in some spirit in the sky who will always swoop down in the nick of time to save me, but a deep trust in myself. I know that no matter what happens in my life I will find a way to survive and to thrive. This has proven itself to be true time and time again. You cannot live as many years as I have and be completely unscathed by the twists and turns that life has to offer. But each time there is a plot twist that happens, you find yourself in a place where you can pull out the formerly useful tools of survival and apply them to the moment, and you can actually develop even better tools along the way. Yes, it takes some self-reflection time to do this. It cannot be done while at the same time one is in complete denial about what is going on. The thing about taking the Ostrich approach to life and keeping your head buried in the sand is that you are always leaving your butt exposed! So address the issues at hand. Know that the symptom is just the surface reality of what the actual problem may be. Have the courage to address it. Keep working at it. Own it. Transform it.