People have been asking me to create a blog on this subject matter, so that they have something to refer to when they are going through a health crisis or just working on their healing journey. So here we go!
1. Pay attention to elders. They have lived that long for a reason. They have wisdoms that can be shared. They are valuable…not just people to be locked away in an old folks home.
2. Resist the urge to think that others’ ideas and insights are worthless when it comes to your healing. Those ideas and insights can be quite valuable…they can take you out of your myopic state of consciousness into a more expanded state of consciousness. Yes, your healing is YOURS. But that does not mean that others have not also experienced similar things. Other people can be an excellent resource.
3. Allow yourself to actually FEEL that urge to punch assholes in the throat. That feeling is where the fire in the belly meets the consciousness of humanity. You don’t have to act upon it, unless you are physically protecting yourself or another. But if you are, then use it. Until then keep your hands in your pockets and use your words.
4. Demand better for yourself. Demand better OF yourself.
5. Express gratitude for the blessings that you DO have in your life. They can be simple or profound. The sky is the limit with that one.
6. Never say stuff like “if it wasn’t for the crap they put me through I would never have grown to be as strong as I am”. That is bullshit. That strength was always there within you. They simply gave you ample opportunity to put it to use. So do not in any way give an abuser credit for your growth. YOU did that…no one else did that for you.
7. Treat yourself with the kindness and nurturing that you lacked in your former life.
8. Know that you are a better person today than you were yesterday and that this will be true of you tomorrow. Hope that this is the same for those around you, but don’t hold your breath, because some folks take their sweet time in personal development. Humans can be very lazy.
9. Connect as much as possible with Nature around you. Nature heals. Science is FINALLY catching up on that one. And don’t think that the concrete jungle has no nature. There are parks and houseplants.
10. Be present in the moment. The past can stay where it was, but right now, you are HERE. So allow yourself to move forward from HERE instead of dragging your past along with you. We all have baggage. It is our choice as to what we drag along with us and what we set down and walk away from.
11. Do not expect others to understand your triggers unless you actually articulate what they are. And even then, do not expect others to cow tow to your triggers. Do your own healing work instead. Those triggers are not REAL. They are simply reflections of what once was. That healing work is NOT easy, so don’t dismiss this one with, “Easier said than done.” That would be a lazy cop out. DO THE WORK.
12. Find something that you can be passionate about. Then pursue that. When we can get lost in an activity to the point where time slips away from us, we are connecting deeply with our own Spirit.
13. (Because this is NOT just a 12 step program) Recognize RED FLAGS in others’ behaviors. These are valuable warning signs to distance yourself from the toxic energy that others have. And we ALL have toxic energy. No one is completely pure and clear of that. So when you have that toxic energy within or are exposed to it, smudge yourself, carry detoxifying crystals, say your prayers…whatever works for you. But resist the urge to bring out anti-personnel weaponry. (Hiding bodies gets complicated).
14. Forgive yourself first. Forgive others ONCE THEY HAVE EARNED IT. Forgiveness is NOT an automatic hall pass for people who are abusive. Thinking that it is that, or that if you forgive them you will heal faster, is delusional. Your healing does NOT depend upon your ability to forgive. And, let’s face it, there are some things that are totally unforgivable. And not forgiving does NOT mean that you are holding onto something. It means that you are ACKNOWLEDGING something and that you are moving on and moving away from it out of a healthy sense of self-preservation.
15. Treat others well. If you treat them as you have been treated in the past by someone who did not have your best interests at heart, you will be just like that person.
16. Music. You do not have to be musical in order to enjoy music. Music heals the mind and the soul. Again, science is finally just now catching up to that concept.
17. Do not manipulate others around you in order to avoid looking at your own stuff. You don’t like being manipulated, so don’t do that to others.
18. Paying someone for their professional assistance in your healing journey is an investment in YOU. Don’t confuse that with just helping them to pay their bills. They are perfectly capable of doing that for themselves with or without you as a client. But you just might need their expertise. So utilize it and be grateful that you get to invest in yourself.
19. Every once in a while (NOT every day) indulge in something completely decadent for yourself. Life is way too short to be puritan about things all of the time.
20. Get comfortable with your own company. Often people think that everything will be so much better once they meet Mr. or Ms. Right. Unfortunately, they end up being Mr. or Ms. RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED, if they have not done their healing work. So leave that until you are well on your way with your healing work and your self-actualization. That way you will have more to offer a relationship, you will not be looking to anyone to complete you as a person, and your vibration will be much higher so what you attract in another person will be one of a higher vibration than what you have experienced to date.
21. Do not belittle another’s healing journey. You don’t like that when it is done to you, so don’t do it to them. This includes things like how long it is taking them to heal (everyone has their own time line on that), what modality of healing work they are utilizing (there is something for everyone, so just contain your need to demand they try yours), what path of spirituality they are connecting with (not everyone has to believe the same thing you do), their choices in their medical care (modern medicine has its place and we all have the freedom to choose when and if we use it), their chosen diet (none of your business), whether or not they use CBD or THC or anything else that helps them along the way (again…none of your business whatsoever), as well as a multitude of other things that people flippantly throw out there at someone who is on a healing journey.
22. Do not assume that just because your personal plumbing is one thing that those with personal plumbing that is different have no idea what is “healing” and what is not. Healing has NOTHING to do with what gender or gender orientation one has.
23. Keep working. Life is full of twists and turns and not you, nor anyone else, is ever completely healed…because the next thing will come along and blindside us. And when it does…
24. Resist the urge to go into the “why me?”mentality. As previously mentioned, humans can get really lazy when it comes to their healing work. So the Universe has ways of making us uncomfortable enough so that we will actually take action and move along on our healing journey. It does not mean that you DESERVED it . It means that perhaps you required it. Do not confuse this with “Everything happens for a reason” mentality either. That just puts blame on a victim instead of making the perpetrator take responsibility for their actions. Let’s face it, we all have free will. But some folks like to wield theirs like a weapon upon others. That is not your fault.
25. Always remember that it is not about making things completely uncomplicated. Life is complicated. It is about having faith that, no matter what life throws your way, you will find a way through it. Believe in your own internal fortitude. That will get you through any challenge that comes your way.