We live in a world of cancellations. People feel that it is their right to cancel someone…anyone…who does not agree with their perspectives on life. This mentality is sick and twisted at best, totally destructive at worst. Within cancel culture there is no room for discussion. I have talked about this in previous blogs. The part that I would like to expand upon here is the individual’s right to choose and to change.
People often think that if you are one way at this point in time then this means that you will always be that one way. This leaves no room for possible growth or change. Perspectives can change on anything at the drop of a hat. And when those perspectives change there is a ripple effect that takes place throughout the person’s life. Here is an example.
You are in a marriage that is at best dysfunctional. You have tried to address this with your spouse but they are unwilling to look at the issues because the dysfunctions serve them very well, thank you. Before long you are living with a walking, talking time bomb just waiting to go off at any moment. You know that it is not healthy to stay, but you find a million excuses why you need to stay. The kids, finances, reputation, fear, fear of lonliness, fear of being alone, fear of your friends’ and family’s opinions on your situation….the list can go on and on. But you know, nonetheless that this is not working. But wait. You made a vow for better or for worse. What about that?
Did anyone tell you that it would be an eternal case of worse? No. But they sure have an opinion that you need to keep the institution of marriage alive and well. So you continue to bend over backwards to make it work, but it is still failing miserably. And so…after years of dysfunction, you change your mind. You decide that it is better for the kids to come from a broken home than it is for them to live within a broken home. You decide that you will make it work financially because nothing will cost more than your own mental and emotional health has costed you to date. You decide that no matter what your fears may be about, it will be okay and you will be okay and your kids will be okay. And it might be a long haul to get to where everyone is indeed alright, but it is worth the investment in time and energy because living within the dysfunction has only served to deplete you.
That is just one very practical example. There are a millon other examples, but I felt like using this one because not only have I been through it but thousands of others have been through it or are currently going through it as well.
Perspectives are supposed to change. People are supposed to change. That is what gaining better information, and experiencing growth as a result of that information, is all about. If we get ourselves stuck in what always was or in what always could have/would have/should have been, then we are allowing ourselves to be owned by sentiment and nostalgia…and we are then closing ourselves off to what actually is. In many ways changing our perspectives, thus changing our minds, falls into the category of “letting go.”
As we learn to let go and go with the flow we also learn the art of patience…with others as well as with ourselves. As we do this, we also develop better skills in discernment.
There are so many things that I used to be into when I was younger. And now I find myself looking back in awe at how incredibly naiive I was. If only we could have our youthful looks and energy while also having the wisdom of the ages within us! But we don’t, and so we grow. We learn more, and we grow even more than we already have. None of this would be possible if we were not allowed to change our minds now and then.
Do we need to criticize ourselves for past experiences and mistakes of our youth? Absolutely not. We may have remorse for some of the ripple effects that have taken place, but we need not flog ourselves over it. In fact we can instead look back on our youthful selves with compassion and encourage that person to continue to learn and grow. We can let that young part of ourselves know that we understand the motivations that were taking place in the decisions that were made. And although we now know better, we can understand that back then we did not.
When we look back with compassion and understanding instead of total embarrassment and mortification, we allow that growth within to happen even deeper within ourselves. But to look back in the first place also takes courage. It is very easy to allow the past to simply fade away. In allowing this to happen, we are actually depriving ourselves of greater learning opportunities. So be courageous! Take your power back. Look back there and soothe your soul.