We all have one, whether or not we care to admit it. There is always that small part within our brains that tries to seep through into our consciousness. This part is what I call the “Dark Passenger.” Admittedly, I got that phrase from watching Dexter. He speaks of it often. But there is actually something very real about this…something that is not just limited to a fictional series on television.
I have often spoken of the Shadow Self, and how important it is that we get to know that Shadow Self part of us. It can actually become a very useful ally. It is the part of us that is born of magic and holds very deep mysteries within us. It is the part of us that will champion us when the Light Self feels weak and overwhelmed.
The Dark Passenger is not that.
The Dark Passenger is something that is way more, shall we say…sinister? It exists in the cracks and holes of our minds and hides there until there is a moment when we relinquish all control to it. Most people would call this “evil.” I think it is perhaps more of a cathartic thing. It is the place from which we have morbid fantasies about the complete destruction of our power hungry boss or our abusive spouse. It is the part that wonders what it would be like to tear the wings off of a fly. Is it still a fly if it cannot fly? That sort of thing.
It is the part of us that can become obsessed with real life murder documentaries, and internally would plan out how we would do it better and get away with murder. It is the part of us that rests within depression and does not bother to help ourselves to get out of it. It is the part of us that delights in the pain that others experience, whether that pain allows us to laugh at them or to come to their aid. It is that part of us that can actually create more agony for a person just to keep them in our lives…to make ourselves more important to them.
I know that most reading this will be very uncomfortable. You are SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable. That is the point of writing this…to bring this to the light of day so that you can sit with it. We do not heal by burying our Dark Passenger or by running away from it (which we cannot ever successfully do anyway). We heal it by sitting with it in all of its morbid glory and acknowledging its existence. That is the only way that we will begin the healing process with it. And sitting with it may take a very long time, even years. They say that when you gaze into the abyss, then eventually the abyss will gaze back at you. Most take that as a tale of caution. But it is actually an invitation. This invitation introduces us to our Dark Passenger.
Fortunately there is also another part of us that, once the Dark Passenger is exposed, can take better control of the situation and make sure that balance is restored within, before the Dark Passenger does something destructive to ourselves or others. And no, it is not necessarily the Light Self that can do this…at least not alone it can’t. It needs the help of the Shadow Self to be able to balance this out. This is why we have to also attend to a conscious connection to the Shadow Self. It is pure magical potential and can perform miraculous feats within us. And it is immune to the Dark, from which the Dark Passenger emerges. The Shadow Self is indestructible. Often when people make themselves embrace ONLY the Light within, they actually become much weaker because they are in denial of the dark within. They can get snowed much more easily. They become “too sensitive” for negativity around them. In other words, their shields are down and they are wide open for attack from all angles. This places them into a state of the pathetic, helpless weakling. But with the help of the Shadow Self, the entire game changes and one is able to fully step into their potential…into their inner power, without relying on anything or anyone else to “save” them or to “protect” them.
You see, the Dark Passenger is the one that will seduce us into thinking that it is alright to do something that every other part of us knows is wrong, destructive, and perhaps even malicious in nature. And it will do so by tricking us into thinking that it is all for the greater good. That is the “ultimate seduction” in action, right there. But the Shadow Self knows the difference and will create more balance in the mind and in the emotions, so that those actions become not only unnecessary, but also undesirable. The Shadow Self is our Inner Wisdom Voice. Without it, the Dark Passenger will have its way with us. It will rear up its ugly head and command us to do things that we normally would never do. It will completely dominate our subconscious minds.
The Shadow Self, however, will speak with the Dark Passenger. It will help it to understand the origins of its nature. Most often this stems from one trauma or another. Sometimes it stems from learned behavior. Sometimes is stems from a chemical imbalance. Whatever the root cause of the plight of the Dark Passenger, the Shadow Self will be strong enough to either heal it or to help it find the help it needs to heal, because in cases such as chemical imbalances, medication is a very real solution. Basically, the Shadow Self is the one who will say to the Dark Passenger, “I understand what is happening here for you. And it is now time to heal this, dear one. You cannot run away from the required healing. And I know you’ve got this. You actually have the strength, the fortitude, to move through the process. I will be right here with you while you do it. You are never alone. But we can certainly change things so that we are All One.”
And then the journey begins.