So often people will say things like, “If life were just that easy…”. I find this a little disturbing. Not because I think that life SHOULD be easy, but because it isn’t, and those who think it should be sometimes come across as a wee bit delusional. It is like they think that everything MUST be all sugar and spice and everything nice in order to have quality. These are the toxic epitome of the Light Worker; those who absolutely must, at all costs, spread “the light” everywhere. Whether it be in religious thought or in New Age philosophy, it all just comes across as dogmatic wing nuttery.
The actual richness in life does not come from lollipops, rainbows and unicorns. It comes from the hard times; the times that make you feel like you are tired to the bone and can’t possibly take another step. The times that make you feel like just throwing in the towel. The times that make you ask the Universe/God/Goddess?whatever you want to call it, “What the serious F#%&?!”
Today I made arrangements for my funeral. Some might find that to be a morbid thing to do. I do not. I am the type that will pay mortgage insurance so that, should anything happen to me or to my partner, no one is left in the lurch for the mortgage payments that were carried by 2 incomes instead of just one. That happened to me when my wife passed away. It was hell. I won’t go through that again. Nor will I have a funeral that is $12,500 and gets you basically not much. So I made arrangements and will be making monthly payments for those. Should I die before that is completely paid, it all gets paid out anyway.
When we are going through deep sorrow at the loss of someone we have loved deeply, we do NOT need to have to be making arrangements or dealing with banks and accounts that get closed and such. This will all be done with the arrangements that were made. And the “funeral” will not be in any way what is contemporary. It is going to be a party. And I just might pop in to see who is there!
When life throws us a curve ball we really do need to take some time to just feel it. People will often try to avoid grief. I do not. I get on with it and get it done so that I can process the entire thing and get on with life. Those curve balls can be in the form of a death, yes, but they can also be in the form of a life change. Perhaps an accident that has left you disabled, or the loss of a job that seemed to be your identity, or even the loss of a pet. It can be a break up or a financial loss or a betrayal by a trusted friend. Whatever the curve ball is, we have to be able to take the time to process it. It has changed our lives. And to think that we can just pick up and carry on as if nothing has happened is truly a state of poor mental health.
The thing is that if we address the change, whatever it may be, and process the event, we find our center. From there we can then meet life head on again. Yes, it takes time and hard work. And it makes us address the shadow side of our lives. But once that is done, we become so much more enriched…so much more fulfilled. We begin to relate to people on an entirely different level. Our relationships become deeper and more meaningful. And the gratitude that we experience for every single solitary blessing in our lives becomes so big that at times we feel our hearts will explode with joy. Of course we will always miss what once was. But we don’t have to live within the past hopes, dreams and expectations. We can create new and meaningful aspirations that bring us love and joy.
Every loss brings with it some form of trauma. Whether or not that trauma takes hold depends upon a lot of factors. I feel that no one should do the comparison game. The oak tree does not wish it were a bamboo, nor does the bamboo wish it were an oak tree. They each are simply what they are. People often think to themselves, yes, this is difficult, but it is in no way as bad as so-and-so…. This is bullshit mentality that delays your ability to deal with whatever has happened. Yes, be grateful for the fact that you still have some things going for you. But do not belittle yourself for feeling what you do about the loss and trauma that you, indeed, have experienced.
It is important to get some grief and trauma counseling. There are resources available, it is just a matter of tracking down what is available in your area. And don’t stop there. If it is not available, make the trip to an area that does have those resources. And remember that those resources are there to help you move through the loss and trauma. They are not there to put you into a loop of reliving the trauma over and over and over again. So if you feel that this is what is happening, then find a different resource. At the same time, don’t expect it to be an easy process. The best help is that which forces you to dig deep and to experience all the crappy feelings and HEAL them.
It is worth the effort. You are worth the effort.