I decided that this week I would write about something that is somewhat whimsical. I know that those of you who are familiar with my work will be expecting profound shamanic teachings. Truly, if you think about the blog post for a bit after reading it, you will find them. But I am not going to be “obvious” about the teachings. Now and then it is best to let someone just find the meat that they have been craving on their own. So here we go. Enjoy the journey!
When Rod and I first moved in together we knew that there would be an adjustment phase. In some ways, three years later, I think we are still in it, but in most ways we are pretty much up to speed. I don’t think that he knew, however, that he was going to be moving in with someone who gives Martha Stewart a run for her money!
Okay, so on a day to day type of schedule, I do not see anything wrong with using select-a-size paper towels as napkins when we are eating. But for special occasions, I like to pull out the tablecloth, the linen serviettes and set the table properly. This means forks on the left, knives and spoons on the right, water glasses directly at 12:00 above the plate and wine glasses at 1:00. Forks are arranged in the order in which they will be used from left to right going in toward the plate. The spoons will be the same going out from the right side of the plate. There is this thing called a butter knife. Its purpose is to be used to scoop the butter from the butter dish and place it on your PLATE so that you can then use your personal knife to butter whatever needs buttering. This also avoids crumbs and food scraps from getting into the butter and keeps everyone’s cooties to themselves. No, I am not anal about this. I just have been taught properly how things are done so that everyone can be comfortable at the table. Manners and protocol are not something to be used to make others feel inferior, after all.
But I have come to realise as well that when entering our dining room, people are often taken aback by the immaculate table setting, the lighting, the candles, the flowers, the soft music etc. I do not think that it makes them uncomfortable. I think that people are just no longer used to having such things done to honour them as dinner guests. It is like people are expecting Kraft Dinner and sitting around the TV or something. But I have been told, and have come to believe that it just might be true, that I am someone from far in the future who would likely have also been more comfortable being born in the early 19th century. Perhaps this is where my fascination with Steampunk designs comes into play. In any case, I enjoy the delicacies of fine dining and the forward thinking of an astronaut.
The thing is that we each have our roles to play in any relationship. Although there are some that we definitely share, I must admit that I do not mind taking on the Martha Stewart role while entertaining because I know that if there is ever a plumbing issue Rod is the one who will not just fix it but will enjoy doing so. I don’t like doing household repairs. Redecorating, yes, but not repairs. I like to create beauty, whereas he enjoys creating function. It really is the perfect balance. I like planting things and having them grow. He likes building me a greenhouse so that I can start the seeds much sooner in the year.
There can always be a balance that gets created in relationships. I think that much of that balance has to do with respecting each other’s knowledge in certain areas. So, for example, I would never in a million years try to tell Rod how to install a pipe for a faucet. He would also never try to challenge me when it comes to my sense of space and colour. We have had a lot of discussions about the fact that there are hundreds of shades of white. I know them by name. The same goes for every other colour. But although I do know the difference between a crescent wrench and a monkey wrench, I would never dream of trying to insert unearned knowledge regarding how to apply them to a task. Yes, there was a time when I was able to strip down and rebuild a car engine. Those days were a very long time ago. Now I would simply pay my mechanic to do so.
Just the other day Martha came out to play in the most unusual way. You see, it seemed that I had a stomach flu. Lots of varying symptoms, but what it finally came down to was a rush into the bathroom to vomit. Now, first off, I must say that this is an act that I have actually developed excellent skills in repressing, because I hated to vomit when I was a kid. So I would actually contract my throat and hold my breath to keep it down. But a number of years ago I was in incredible distress with a liver that had flared up. Suddenly I knew there was no holding it back and BAM! I had relief like I have never had. Yes, the throat burns and yes, the ribs hurt from the hurling etc, but the RELIEF was incredible. So I thought to myself, “Hey! This is not such a bad thing!” Since then if I need to vomit I simply allow myself to do so. {now back to my story} So here I am kneeling before the great throne and doing what I needed to do. As I do, I notice that the toilet could use some cleaning. So in between the rushes of hurling, there I am with the cleaner and paper towel etc (we keep these things handy in each bathroom) cleaning the surface of the toilet. I also notice that the weigh scale that stands against the wall beside the toilet has a lot of dust on it (an indication of just how often it gets put to use), so I clean that too. By the time I am done I feel like I have been cleaned out and the toilet area of the bathroom is spic and span! I know…insane…but I find that, at least this time, it was nice to have something to do while waiting for the next rush of hurling. I told Rod what I did and he bust out laughing and said, “Now THAT you should post of Facebook!” To which I replied, “Actually I have a blog that I have begun writing about the Martha Stewart within me that would be a much better place to insert this anecdote. So now here I am doing just that.
It is important for each of us to know what our gifts and talents are, and to also honour those that another possesses. We have an excellent time observing our differences on that front, but also acknowledging and honouring the gifts those same differences bring to the relationship. It is not like we have to decide who will take on what role at any given time. We just “get” each other so well that we automatically know which one is going to do what task. Yes, sometimes we also need a helping hand. That is completely acceptable. Rod and I cook together well. We function like a well oiled machine. Each has their specialty and the timing is always perfect…as long as people gathering for the meal stay out of the kitchen. They just get in the way. And they love watching us work together from the sunken living room just off the kitchen. So it all works harmoniously.
Harmony can always be found. And even though I do have a strong Martha Stewart type of personality, I know that, other than when we are entertaining, she stays pretty quiet…unless I am painting a wall, or arranging flowers in a vase, or selecting the proper throw cushions for our sofa and love seat, or…okay, never mind.