I would like to talk about something here that keeps coming up and is very disturbing. And I should warn the readers that I am about to blow apart all kinds of ridiculous dogma, and that may be uncomfortable for some of you. But, you see, that is part of my job as a Shaman. So I am not going to apologize for this. I will, however, say that I completely understand the pain and discomfort that this is causing you, but that it is not actually the information causing it, but rather the cracking of some very well-laid dogmatic beliefs.
Something that I have often encountered is the belief that “if this happened then it was obviously meant to be.” This is based upon a theory that there is predestiny that we have all chosen in life before we were ever born into life. People veil this belief in things like “compassion teachings” and “non-attachment teachings” and “new-age thought”. Excuse me. BULL.
Life presents us with many opportunities and many dilemmas. We cannot possibly think that absolutely every opportunity that comes our way is something that we MUST go for. If we live our lives like that we will completely compromise our grounding and stability. We will flit from one opportunity to the next without actually setting solid foundations in ANY of them. This is why it is important to discern what is appropriate for us in any given moment, what is congruent with who we are and who we are becoming, and then make a DECISION based upon that…and STICK TO IT. That way we can foster success. And, once successful in one thing, it becomes easier then to take on the next thing. But to abandon one thing to hop onto another train is not productive.
Now…let’s look at another angle to this. Let’s think for a moment that someone has suffered a miscarriage, or a rape, or a physical assault, or a robbery/mugging, murder, or a tragic car accident. “It was meant to be” suddenly becomes quite a toxic thing to present to them. Basically what it does is makes the person feel like they, a victim, are being blamed for the event that was out of their control. “God’s will” suddenly becomes a punishment that is completely unnecessary and completely abusive. And we need to remember that, as humans, we have this thing called FREE WILL. It means that we get to choose what we want to do in life. BUT that also means that everyone else does as well. And so one person’s free will can and often does completely broadside that of another. That is not the fault of the person who was broadsided. That was completely of the offender’s choosing.
“Yes,” someone might say, “But if he/she did not do that to me, I would not have become the strong person that I am today.” There is a difference between acknowledging your own personal power to transmute a toxic energy into a positive medicine that you can now carry with you to help yourself and others, and actually GIVING CREDIT to the person who harmed you for making you a better person. Your ability to survive and then to thrive is ALL YOURS. It was in you from the very beginning. And the person who harmed you should NEVER be given even an ounce of credit for “activating” it. This would have been activated anyway, just by living life. You did NOT need some idiot coming along and making things worse for you just so that you could “become stronger”. This is why when someone says to me that “It was meant to be” I have to always ask, “Or WAS it?” I am not one who thinks that all offences must be met with punitive measures. Sometimes the horror of realising what they have just done is enough to motivate them to become a better person. But when we actually address who has the responsibility for what happened, that healing has a much better chance of happening. So we need to stop blaming victims and start holding offenders accountable. That way we help to heal the world instead of foster an environment where everything spirals into the lowest common denominator.
The other expression that bothers me the the one that goes, “It is what it is.” What is that supposed to mean? We have no choice in anything? We have no power to create needed change? Are we all to be pacifists that are led around by those who are simply the biggest bullies? I think not. We can and should take charge of our lives. Whenever possible, we need to stand up for what we know to be right and humane. We cannot just sit back, saying, “It is what it is.” When we do that we completely give power over to someone who has not earned it and does not deserve it. I know that it is very tempting. After all, if it simply is what it is then we don’t actually have to put any time, attention or effort into it. Man, humans can be so LAZY! Get off your laurels and get going with life! Yes, be a tree planter because the world needs many more trees. But don’t just watch a forest fire and say, “It is what it is.” That, in my never-to-be so humble opinion, is one of the biggest cop outs of our existence. Imagine a world run by the Nazi Regime, all because everyone else in the world threw their hands in the air and said, “It is what it is.” How sad that would be. How pathetic. How moronic. It would actually be much more accurate and authentic if someone were to say, “I choose to not respond to this” or “I choose to let this be for now”. At least they would be honest about their personal responsibility in the matter.
We truly need to wake up to the extent of the meanings of the words we choose. Because when we don’t, we can actively or passively cause so much damage in the world. And to think that all it really takes is for someone to THINK about what is being said/presented/pontificated. Think. Recognise the meaning underneath all of it. It takes practice, but it is so worth it in the end.