Everyone has one. Everyone can access their own. But what is it? What is this “Warrior Within”? A number of years ago (so many that I really don’t want to do the math because it will make me realise just how old I have become) a very wise man told me that what I needed to do was to find the inner warrior. I had no idea what he was talking about. I grew up with a raging father and, to me, that was the only example of anything warrior-like and, frankly, I did not want to become that.
So I began searching for what this was supposed to look like. I studied several different martial arts, just in case it would have anything to do with it. And it did, but not the way most would think. Martial arts taught me self-discipline. They say that boot camp will do the same thing. But I also went to boot camp and found a bunch of egomaniacs who would create more abusive people in the world who would, in turn, become egomaniacs. The Universe devised a plan to have me injured so that I would have to leave boot camp…because once you enter that realm there is usually no turning back. To this day I still have issues with the shoulder that was injured, but I am grateful that it happened so that I could find my way back to inner peace.
In all my searching I found that my definition of “male” had to also change. I was equating male with “toxic” and with “aggressive” and with “abusive”. I began finding more balanced males to hang with and who were actually men that had some level of integrity. That was awesome. I continue to surround myself with such men.
Then I began having children. And with that came a long number of years of putting the search on hold. At least that is what I thought happened. But what actually happened was that through fatherhood I found my inner warrior!
My inner warrior no longer tolerated anyone taking advantage of the “father of my children”. My inner warrior began setting very healthy boundaries for himself. My inner warrior accessed a very strong protective aspect to my personality that I had no idea was even in play. My inner warrior would stay up for long nights with sick daughters. My inner warrior would work his butt off trying to provide for his family. My inner warrior would make 67,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and 40,000 fruit and veggie platters. My inner warrior would diligently work with each child as she struggled to learn to play the piano, would attend all piano classes and make sure that all theory work was not just done, but understood. Later in life my inner warrior became the man that everyone could count on to tell the absolute truth as perceived by me, regardless of whether or not they enjoyed the shared information. My inner warrior became the part of me that does not give a damn about what other people think about him. And so there are hardly any folks who will take him on over petty issues, because they know he will not be manipulated or coerced into thinking or doing what they want him to or think he should think or do.
Although there are others in the world who, once encountering my inner warrior, wish that they had never met him, I rather like my inner warrior. And the funny thing is that he was always right there, deep within me, silently waiting for me to begin to recognise him for who he truly was…for who I truly AM.